(Re)Creating Carly











{October 13, 2013}   Journey to Silence

Maybe it was debt fatigue, or blogging fatigue. Or maybe a little bit of both. Or maybe it was the way summer makes you forget your name for a while. I’m not exactly sure. But I haven’t had a lot to say. And instead of filling up the space with unnecessary words, it was time for me to enjoy the silence.

Silence -- A Film by Pat Collins: http://www.silencefilm.ie/

Silence — A Film by Pat Collins: http://www.silencefilm.ie/

I recently went to the Irish Film Festival here in NY and saw a fantastic movie called (you guessed it) Silence. It’s about a sound tech’s journey to record audio that is free of man-made noise. It’s poetic and profound. And it got me thinking about my journey to “silence” – that place of inner peace where things just make sense, free from all the noise that clouds our thoughts, our lives. For me, a lot of that noise over the past several years has had to do with financial hardship. It’s gotten in the way of me being still with the things that matter to me. It’s prevented me from exploring new paths, and being fully present in the moment. I’ve spent so much time either flagellating myself over past money mistakes, or frantically plotting how to rectify things. Amidst all of this noise, I haven’t made room for silence.

My journey towards financial freedom is in many ways my journey towards silence.

When I think back to the beginning of this quest—my proverbial rock bottom: asking my ex for money to cover my rent, it’s pretty amazing how far I’ve come in such a relatively short amount of time. It has been eight months since that dark, winter day and I’m happy to report that I’ve paid off $12,000 (including interest) and am finally below the 10k mark. Something about seeing that new balance on my credit card statement read $9,997 and knowing I have a solid plan to pay the rest off by my deadline has given me some of that silence I’ve been craving.

Oh, what a difference eight months make.

I remember how I felt back then—scared, angry and hopeless. I was convinced the only way out of it all was to find a roommate or leave NYC behind. But all it really took was commitment and perseverance. And voila. Things got better.

The new money habits I’ve adopted are now just that—habits. I no longer have to negotiate with myself to make smart financial moves. Don’t have the money? Don’t buy it. Need more money? Find more work. It’s simple. And despite the fact that I often feel like an idiot for getting into this place to begin with, I feel as though I’m moving forward with a tremendous amount of knowledge. I can’t wait until the time when my money is no longer going towards making credit card companies richer, but into my own investments. I can’t wait to become unchained to my creditors, and in charge of my life in a way I haven’t been for quite some time.

And most of all, I can’t wait to relish the silence.

(Can you hear it?)



et cetera